Thinking Out Loud

AWOL During a Crisis

No, I’m not talking about Boris (although his lack of presence is outrageous), I’m talking about me. I’ve been AWOL from this blog and the linked socials for a good few months. But why with all that spare time lockdown gave us? Spare time?! Pfft. What’s that?! Jog on. Working from home, supporting the kids with home learning, volunteering, tackling the snowballing admin and applications for a charity I’m involved with that was helping feed families during the crisis and all the Zoom quizzes hasn’t helped me to learn a new skill or pick up a hobby.

I lie, I’m now much better with iMovie after filming every task and challenge for school, Scouts, sports and morale boosting lip sync montages.

It’s not just the time, it’s been a lack of headspace, being in a bit of a distracted fug. I’m aware of how wanky that sounds but I mean, usually I’m a voracious reader but for the first month or so I struggled to get into the books I had on the go. I’m back in the swing of it now but that surprised me.

Pre-Covid, this blog had morphed into a places-to-go and things-to-do kind of thing and all of a sudden we weren’t allowed to go places, they were closed, even the park on our doorstep was shut.

There have been loads of online activities, projects and opportunities but along with home learning from school, it was all a tad overwhelming.

School have been brilliant. The primary has anyway, not so much the high school but that’s a whole other post. The activities for my youngest have taken well-being into account and were nowhere near as ominous as the volumes of work I’ve seen other kids his age have from their schools. Even so, I felt guilty for not being able to do it all, that damn FOMO coming in again. For being stuck on my laptop all day or hypnotising them with technology so I could have the silence for another Zoom or Teams meeting.

I’ve not been posting on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter about the stuff we have managed to do because it’s really not the whole picture. Also, when I’ve flicked through the relentless baking, gardening, crafting and family challenges that some people have done I’ve just felt like such a shitty failure. Jealous and frustrated. Yes, we’ve had a lot of forced time in the same house but I’m not at their disposal all day, every day. I’m trying to work during the hours that I could and should be helping them.

Of course, I’ve juggled things and we’ve done the Scout challenges, tasks from school, we’ve had the barbecues and been on walks but at times it has all just been a bit bloody much.

I’m not totally woe is me, call me a waaaaambulance. I am grateful that I live with other humans, that my kids are older, that we’re all healthy. That’s another reason that I’ve felt redundant as a blogger. My story, our experience is so insignificant in the grander scheme of things.

I was furloughed from one job a few weeks ago so in theory it should’ve been better. Somehow though, other big meetings from my other job have fallen on those days and, given the way things are in my industry at the moment I’ve Zoomed along. I’ve also volunteered with food parcels on those furloughed days because that’s what we do isn’t it, come together as a community to make things less shitty where we can. Perspective wise, I know I shouldn’t be moaning at all.

I know, I know, I know, I’ve also seen those insta quotes and twee tweets braying “it’s OK to be unproductive through a global crisis” and self-care this and that but I’m just a girl who can’t say no. Except when something’s got to give and in this case, it was the blog and all the gubbings that go along with it.

I was reluctant to join the voices pounding socials with yet another fun thing to try with your kids when there’s just no bloody extra time for it. Although, with the summer holidays on the horizon, without messages from school, would you be up for some ideas or recommendations for online shows or things to do at home? Or have you just had a bloody gut’s full of all that wholesome faff?

Thinking Out Loud

Troubling Bubbling

Has life gone completely back to the pre-Covid normal or did I miss an announcement?

I watch the news, I read, I’ve had to stay up to date on guidelines for work but as I scroll through those photographic square glimpses into other people’s lives on Instagram, I have to wonder if we’re the only ones doing it our way.

I’ve not yet driven further than 5 miles from home, not because we can’t but I’ve had no reason to go anywhere so far. My parents and sisters family live close by and the parks and beaches that we’ve been to since I finally and joyously got my car fixed have been less than 3 miles from home. It was thrilling enough to walk around a park that’s not the one behind our house so I’m in no rush to go yomping further afield.

I’m cool with the longer journeys, no judgement here at all. Do what you’ve got to do. I know we’re lucky to have family living so close unlike some. Living in a town with a range of supermarkets, parks and beaches means the old 5 mile rule wasn’t as hard hitting as in more rural areas.

I’m thinking more of the photos of baby showers and birthdays with large groups of adults huddled together for a photo. Lush, I’d love to see my mates in real life in close proximity. I haven’t yet but next step would be distanced meeting up on separate picnic blankets at a park or on a distanced walk. I’m not outraged I’m just confused.

We’re still only doing a big shop each week. I have no desire to go to town shopping, it’s not something I miss massively. Except for trying on bras before spending a fortune on them. Maybe, as a family we’re just easing out of it more slowly than others. We’ve seen a select few people but it’s nothing like I’m seeing in my social feeds.

Are people not bubbling with just one other household? Are they (are you?) bubbling with lots of other households? Or are they/you just so over the lockdown that as long as they/you’re in someone else’s garden anything goes?

In Wales, I understand that at the moment we’re only able to make an extended household with one other household and it’s got to be the same household until lockdown’s lifted and if you’re meeting another household it has to be outside. Interested to know what other non-shielding families are doing.

With more businesses opening up there’s a general vibe of things all being over and just having to get on with life but that’s jarring with the government guidelines. I could see all my girlfriends if we happened to be in Morrisons at the same time but we couldn’t meet as a group in someone’s living room? I could drive to Bristol to drink in a pub with my mate but I wouldn’t be able to stay over in her house. Are you finding bubbling troubling?